Soccer Rocker

WED 2/4

If the Kansas City Chiefs’ defensive line could tap into the combustive energy of the stressed-out businesswoman who rushes home to feed three ungrateful children and one drunk husband, maybe they could force a punt. That’s the thinking behind today’s Women’s Sports Festival, where perfectly upstanding women harboring secret desires to kick, pummel and destroy can check out local athletic organizations such as the KC Krunch football team. The event marks the tenth year of the Women’s Intersport Network for KC, which provides sports and fitness opportunities to area women and girls. To further commemorate the anniversary, as well as National Girls and Women in Sports Day, WIN organized a sold-out luncheon featuring ab-rific soccer star Brandi Chastain. Chastain’s clutch penalty kick won the Women’s World Cup for the United States in 1999. But her subsequent shirtless sauntering reminded the world that, even though women might have to wear sports bras, they, too, produce testosterone. The festival runs from 1 to 3 p.m. at Galyan’s, 11801 Nall in Leawood. For information, call 816-474-4652.— Sarah Smarsh

Mullet Magnet

1/30-2/1

When we go to this weekend’s U.S. Hot Rod Monster Jam, our attention will be divided between the big, bad trucks and the hordes of questionably coifed horsepower hounds who came to hoot and holler along with the engine-revving and car-crushing. Nothing says badass like needing a ladder to get into your truck. For proof, head to Kemper Arena (1800 Genessee) for one of the four monster truck shows this weekend. Grave Digger, billed as the “King of Carnage” (get it? Car-nage!), will be there alongside other monster trucks. To be honest, we’re more excited about picking our favorite hair-dos and hair-don’ts out of the crowd. We’ll also be on the lookout for the ultimate in trailer-park styling — stonewashed jeans, puffy-tongued high-tops (preferably Reeboks), threadbare heavy-metal concert T-shirts and maybe even rat tails. For tickets, call 816-931-3330.— Michael Vennard

Trolley Training

SAT 1/31

Did anyone see that reality show where they followed P. Diddy as he ran the New York Marathon? Sure, he did it for charity, but is it necessary to have an IV at the end of the race? At least he had a look going. Maybe he couldn’t find his Zipps, so he decided that designer shades and a greasy faux-hawk would help him run faster. Don’t make the same mistakes as P. Diddy — prepare for the 2004 Trolley Run by participating in the Trolley Run Training Program starting at 7:30 a.m. Saturday at Garry Gribbles Running Sports, 11932 West 119th Street in Overland Park. For details, call 913-262-0305.— Michael Vennard