Shut Up, Boston

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

No Boston player needs a cork more than Manny.

Seriously. Enough.

Yes, you used to be charming. It used to be fun to read about the Red Sox, like Roger Angell, John Updike, Doris Kearns Goodwin, David Halberstam and others chronicled every near miss with verve and intelligence. Pesky, Galehouse, Buckner, Dent — they were a terrific part of the game’s lore, and Red Sox fans wrote about disappointment with intelligence unrivaled by other fans.

Red Sox fans used to have a terrific image: well-informed, smart fans who follow their team despite years of staggering disappointment. You were a model — especially for those following a small-market team like the one that plays at the K.

Now?

You won a World Series in 2004, the first time since 1912 (correction: 1918. I suck.). Despite the unfortunate presence of the loathsome Johnny Damon, it was a great performance by a fun team. But marring the celebration during the historic moment was Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore filming the last scene of the worst baseball movie ever made. If there were any justice dispensed by the baseball gods, being associated with any Jimmy Fallon vehicle should have prompted another eight-decade curse.

I am tired of you.

A boatload of money should fix that.

I’m tired of the fact that everyone in Red Sox Nation thinks they are entitled to this, despite the fact that John Henry, et al, throws around money just as much as the Steinbrenners ever did. I am tired of Red Sox Nation. I am tired of sorority girls who cannot pronounce the name “Yastrzemski” wearing Old Towne Gear (fans from “way back,” like three years ago). I am tired of Bill Simmons, apparently working today without an editor, chronicling every victory with 30 references to a reality show, Rocky IV, or any of the Karate Kid movies. I am tired of my bookstore devoting half its baseball section to books about Reversing the Curse (hint: it involves a great deal of money).

Yes, envy is why I dislike you now. Kansas Citians would build a statue after Jon Lester’s performance the other night; in Boston, baseball’s Lance Armstrong is the fifth starter.

Red Sox Nation: You are not charming anymore. A lot of you are front-runners and most of you are completely insufferable.

You are not special. You are just following another rich, large market team — just like Yankee fans.

We get it. You win.

Now shut up.

PS: The Patriots cheated. Go Pistons.