Shooting off fireworks in the boonies is still illegal, y’all

Johnson County deputies don’t want to see your children struggling to grasp your miserable stump of a hand after the Fourth of July, so they’re enforcing the fireworks ban in JoCo all weekend.

“According to county regulations, fireworks, including sparklers, are illegal without a permit in all unincorporated areas of Johnson County” (emphasis MINE! ALL MINE!), according to Master Deputy Tom Erickson, the official holiday joy-dampener with the Johnson County Sheriff’s office.(Fireworks remain illegal without a permit in the incorporated parts of the county, too.)

If you get busted buying or selling fireworks in JoCo, the fines can be between $25 (for the worst fireworks ever perhaps) up to $100 (yeah, baby, depleted uranium!!!).

For more information on all the fun-killing Johnson County has in store regarding fireworks, go here. To see a guy light his face on fire, go here.