Schooling the Mexican
Dear Mexican:
Every day, I drive by the Mexican consulate on Baltimore. For months, there used to be an old truck with “Copias” scribbled on the side. People were always lined up in front of it, and there was usually a generator humming nearby. Recently, the old truck turned into a new van, with a nicer “Copias” sign. I’m guessing that business was so good, he upgraded. So what gives with this van-based copying business? Why not just go to Kinko’s?
KC Gabacho
Dear KC Gabacho:
The “Copias” van is undoubtedly offering its owner’s service cheaper than Kinko’s. Free-market capitalism at work, cabrón — now what was this I heard about Mexicans not assimilating?
Dear Mexican:
With four weeks before I cram my mochila with a few clothes for me and a horde of presents (read: bribes) for my future cuñadas, sobrinas, y mi mera suegra, I found myself terror-stricken tonight as mi novio and I watched a home video of his family doing various familial things. He will not be making the maiden voyage with me, and though he swears to me that his women kinfolk are muy amable and great fun, I am terrified! I have tattoos, which seem to be more taboo in rural Mexico. Do you have any advice for a terrified, tattooed, white American (Spanish-speaking) daughter-in-law to-be on her first visit to meet the matriarchy of her future marido?
La Nuera Timblosa
Dear Trembling Gabacha:
Chula, you have nothing to worry about. You obviously love your guy, you’re sensitive enough toward backward Mexicans that you don’t want to offend them, and you know more Spanish than Carlos Mencia — you’ll be adentro like Flynn.
Dear Mexican:
The superstars of this century will be China, India and Brazil, who will crush American economic and cultural dominance. Their superstar rise will be owed entirely to a population willing to work without labor protests and entirely devoted to national growth — even Africans in Africa, who are the poorest of the poor, say that the Chinese migrant workers who are extracting oil from Africa work hard and even on Sundays — and to a society so education-focused that it will virtually do anything to make sure that its kids not only graduate from high school but also go to college and graduate school.
Why doesn’t Mexico have this drive toward technology and math and science education that has virtually transformed India? Mexico doesn’t produce labor, other than the kind that will scrub, wash and press clothing and cut grass. This would be OK for the first generation, but the second-generation kids in America are not even close to Chinese-American or Indian-American kids in America — have you ever heard of Chinese or Indian kids (who, by the way, don’t speak their parents’ language), dropping out of school, joining gangs or getting their teenage girlfriends pregnant? Have you ever seen Chinese or Indian kids resorting to manual labor?
Mexico, with its obsession with family values, could learn from the real family values that have uplifted the entire continent of Asia. Mexico, sadly enough, can’t even keep refining the oil it owns because there are not enough oil engineers, geologists or mechanical engineers. Most of all, Mexico needs to stop comparing Mexicans with white Americans; Asian-Americans will be this century’s employers and businessmen.
A Captain of Industry
Dear Gabacho:
Glad to see a gabacho finally admit that they’re as screwed in the 21st century as Mexicans!
Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at mexican@pitch.com.
