Saran wrap instead of condoms?

I did not know Saran Wrap was a substitute for condoms. Nope. Didn’t know. Not until U.S. Attorney John Wood told us today in a press release announcing the guilty plea of Wei Li Pang, a massage parlor owner who apparently convinced women to cross state lines to prostitute themselves — and use plastic wrap instead of condoms. Clearly to avoid a telltale Dumpster full of used condoms.

Pang owned Asian Massage Health Center in Olathe and Oriental Massage in Mission, neither of which I managed to visit. Otherwise, I might have understood why Pang ran up a bill for Saran Wrap. Again, didn’t know. Didn’t want to know.

The release says the women worked nasty shifts — 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. seven days a week — and lived where they worked. Ew.

Pang faces 20 years in federal prison, where she’ll have to get a job in the kitchen to get her hands on the Saran Wrap. — Justin Kendall