Santa’s shakedown man, Krampus, should visit … the Kansas City Chiefs

The Kansas City Chiefs owe keg-sized canisters of Topsy’s to the following teams: the Detroit Lions (2-12), the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-12) and the St. Louis Rams (1-13). Those three teams, in their respective basements, are mercifully sparing our Chiefs (3-11) the national ridicule of being the worst. There’s something to be said for losing spectacularly, but there’s a nice, cushiony softness that comes with total insignificance.

In Germanic lore, Krampus is the evil yang to Santa’s yin, visiting birch-stick beatings upon bad children in the month of December. By the looks of the Chiefs’ defense, Krampus would meet with little resistance while dragging these lycra-clad losers to the fiery pits.

This was supposed to be a “rebuilding” year. The only ones doing anything that resembles rebuilding are the two players who managed to escape during The Great Drain-Circling of 2009.

The NFL’s idiotic blackout policy saved fans from the temptation to turn on KCTV 5 and watch the Cleveland Browns, those crap-stained warriors of mediocrity, running up and down Arrowhead last Sunday in their 41-34 turd-burgling of the Chiefs. In his radio wrap-up after the loss, a 610 Sports host scrounged up faint praise for head coach Todd Haley, applauding him for not losing it in the post-game press conference.

Atta boy. Way to choke back the tears.

And so, as another sad season creaks to a close, we find ourselves repeating that same silver-lining mantra. Won’t you say it with me? At least we’ll get good picks in the draft.