PitchForks

NO HIP REPLACEMENT NEEDED…

In a recent column, The Kansas City Star‘s Hearne Christopher Jr. speculated that the New Times’ purchase of PitchWeekly has affected the paper’s “hipness” quotient, noting rumors of a new dress code for certain departments. An anonymous Pitch employee responded by saying that these charges are not nearly as damaging as Christopher’s allegation in a previous column that the paper was planning to make the least hip move imaginable — hiring a gossip columnist. — Andrew Miller


EDUCATION + THEATER = LAME…

In its first quarter of operation, Science City is already performing $900,000 below projections. The museum-theater complex located in KC’s Union Station building is planning to recoup these losses by focusing all future exhibits on “the science of the reproductive organs.” — Robert Bishop


IT’S STILL PROBABLY MARILY MANSON’S FAULT…

Two Columbine High students were found dead of gunshot wounds at a Subway sandwich shop located within sight of the school where last April’s infamous killing spree occurred. These became the first deaths to occur at a Subway that weren’t food-related. — Jon Niccum


ON YOUR KNEES AND IT AIN’T FOR PRAYING…

In a long-awaited report, an Episcopal Church commission declined to take a stand on same-sex unions. A surprising move by the Catholic Church followed, stating that it found same-sex unions to be acceptable, as long as they involved a member of the clergy and a young boy. — Robert Bishop


SO THAT’S WHERE JERRY’S KIDS COME FROM…

At the U.S. Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, Colo., honoree Jerry Lewis told an audience that he had no admiration for female comics. “A woman doing comedy doesn’t offend me but sets me back a bit,” Lewis said. “I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.” Though Lewis’ unpopular comments at first were attributed to his age and acerbic personality, they were eventually traced to another source: Stanford’s owner Craig Glazer. — Jon Niccum


YOU’D THINK HE’D BE GOING AFTER SOUNDTRACKS…

Film critic Rex Reed was arrested at a Tower Records store in downtown Manhattan for stealing a handful of CDs by artists Mel Torme, Peggy Lee, and Carmen McRae. Reed stated that he might have to pay a fine and perform community service, but he doesn’t want to give away the ending. — Jon Niccum

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