Pitch Music Awards

Wow. This is so unexpected. I didn’t even prepare a speech. But … I did write a few things down on the back of this roll of toilet paper I took from the crapper. First, I’d like to thank the Academy. Much love to Allah, the Charmin bear, Daphne from Scooby-Doo, Nelson Mandela, my baby’s momma (we did it, girl!), my baby’s momma’s daddy (who’s the man now?) and the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. Finally, I’d like to thank the Pitch for hosting the Pitch Music Awards, the most comprehensive local music awards show in the history of history. They’re telling me my time’s up, but I don’t care. There are 91 nominees vying for bragging rights in 18 categories. There will be live performances from some of the best and brightest musicians in Kansas City. Anybody who is anybody in local music is here at the PMAs. Oh … [sniff] … I promised myself I wouldn’t cry …

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