Pitch Music Awards Pre-Party Schedule

As soon as I get it, I’ll post the schedule for this Sunday’s Pitch Music Awards Ceremony. In the meantime, here’s a schedule for the VIP pre-party for the nominees and guests. (NOTE: All nominees must RSVP now if you haven’t already. Like NOW now.)

6 p.m. – Doors open.

6:07 p.m. – Doors still open.

6:11 p.m. – Cars pass, crickets chirp.

6:13 p.m. – The Hearts of Darkness drive up, Joad-family-style, piled in the back of a flatbed truck. Truck has no breaks; Hearts end up in a California peach orchard.

6:15 p.m. – Skatterman and Snug Brim roll up in wrapped Hummer. (However, since parting ways with Strange Music, they have been forced to scale down, so the Hummer is wrapped in a giant tortilla.)

6:18 p.m. – Mark Lowrey arrives, still drunk from his gig the night before, makes beeline for hot wings buffet.

6:22 p.m. – Brody Buster arrives, is not on guestlist because he didn’t RSVP, cries into harmonica, which creates an entirely new, super-emo form of the blues.

6:24 p.m., NYC – Don Draper takes Which Mad Man Are You? Quiz on Internet; finds out that he’s Don Draper.

6:27 p.m. – Darren from In the Pines receives a phone call informing him that he’s Miley Cyrus’ real dad.

6:35 p.m. – Pitch photographer Forester Michael arrives, smokes cigarette, takes a picture of David Wayne Reed‘s crotch, which is also somehow smoking a cigarette.

6:37 p.m. – Greg Enemy arrives, also is not on list, finds kitty door in back of Uptown and darts through in his magical Keds.

6:44 p.m. – Skatterman and Snug Brim eat Mitch Rich in a giant tortilla.

6:45 p.m. – 7:45 p.m. – Upstairs bar is slammed with two-fisted drunken scenesters.

7:50 p.m. – Hammerlord lays you.

7:59 p.m. – Gornography agrees to become the new backing band for the Wild Women of Kansas City.

Categories: Music