Pitch Forks

NICE TO KNOW THEY HAVE SOME STANDARDS …

Fox has canceled a rerun of Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire? and has dropped plans for any more such specials after learning that its TV groom, Rick Rockwell, was accused of physical abuse by former fiancée Debbie Goyne. Instead, footage will be incorporated into a new special called When Millionaires Attack. — Robert Bishop

MAYBE MILES PRENTICE SHOULD TAKE UP DRINKING …

Facundo Bacardi, a member of the board of directors for the world’s fourth-largest wine and spirits producer, intends to submit a bid to purchase the Kansas City Royals. The potential owner’s first order of business will be to bring back former Royals Willie Aikens, Willie Wilson, and Lonnie Smith because Bacardi goes well with coke. — Jon Niccum

LET’S GET READY TO RUM-BLE …

A former Stadium Club employee filed a copyright infringement lawsuit against the Royals, claiming that the team’s mascot, Sluggerrr, is a knockoff of his own creation. Michael Corbett, who submitted a character named Leo the Royal Lion, alleges that Sluggerrr incorporates elements of his design. A Royals spokesman called the case against the club irrelevant, saying that the team recently decided to hire a new mascot, a dancing liquor bottle named Slurrr. — Andrew Miller

BILL GATES ALREADY GAVE HIS ENDORSEMENT …

Malaysia’s deputy education minister, Hon Choon Kim, has proposed that schoolbooks be replaced with laptop computers to lighten the load on children and help the race toward computer literacy. Kim said he got the idea when he was alerted that the national video-game score average was on the decline. — Robert Bishop

IF HE DOESN’T GET A SUPER BOWL RING, AT LEAST HE’LL GET A SMUGGLING RING …

Kansas City Chiefs return specialist Tamarick Vanover has pleaded guilty to a federal charge of assisting in the sale of a stolen vehicle: a 1999 Ford Expedition. This incident comes just two months after Chiefs coach Gunther Cunningham told Vanover he must “take his game up to the next level” or he would be out of a job. Vanover, apparently misinterpreting his coach’s comments, complied by moving from misdemeanors to felonies. — Jon Niccum

JUST MAKE SURE ROSIE O’DONNELL DOESN’T REPLACE HEATHER LOCKLEAR …

Actor Charlie Sheen has signed a $2.75 million deal to replace Michael J. Fox on the ABC sitcom Spin City. Network executives explained that Sheen was chosen to take over for the departing Fox because they wanted someone inherently sleazy to play a deputy mayor. — Jon Niccum

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