Our Rate-a-Royal Winner!

Here’s the winner — actually, the only entry — in the Pitch‘s Rate-A-Royal essay contest. We’d love to print his name, but for reasons that will rapidly become obvious, the guy prefers to remain anonymous.

At one point in time, I heard that Brady Anderson (once with the Orioles, now with the Indians) wore No. 9 on his jersey because that was his dick size. I can only hope the same is true with Carlos Beltran (No. 15). I know it’s not like that, but if anyone could pull it off, Carlos could. He is confident, athletic (of course) and just plain friggin’ hot. His lips, that butt; and when he needs to adjust his meat, I simply have an orgasm. He never just bangs or adjusts his cup. He always gets a handful of dick, as if to say, “Suck on this.” OK. I’d love to.

At times, I wonder if he wears a cup. His tall, lean, muscular body is just the kind I like. Not a body builder but someone who takes care of his body and certainly appreciates looking good. I can imagine his thighs and legs. Long, strong and muscular to move him so quickly around the base pads. Watching his ass go as he runs causes my blood to boil. His speed and quick legs have worked his ass into a masterpiece. His smooth, dark skin. His incredibly kissable lips. So full. So supple. If all I could do to that man was kiss him, I’d be much more than happy. I would like him in just the pants of his uniform. Slowly strip out of them not to reveal a jockstrap, but to reveal my favorite of all time … a Speedo. Corny? Maybe. But just think: His dark skin. Neon yellow speedo. OK, pink. OK, orange. OK, purple. Anything to contrast his beautiful skin.

We would embrace in a passionate kiss until I was forced by him to break away and begin kissing my way down his body. What a chest. What abs. In the pros, your power when it comes to hitting comes from your midsection. He has power. His abs must be awesome.

Then to my prize. The treasure trail to his manhood. His long, thick manhood. Once it’s freed, I’m reminded of all those Kristen Bjorn videos I’d jack off to. I now have that same likeness at my fingertips. Or at the tip of my tongue, I should say. Then his thick, white prize comes pouring forth. What a geyser. I would live to service Carlos and worship his body at any given moment. Wow. What a stud.

The article made a lot of good points about a lot of the Royals. Sweeney’s thighs. Febles’ lips. Hinch’s bulge. Durbin’s cock-suckin’ grin. All possibilities. But Carlos Beltran is the greatest. Not only the Royals but in the major leagues. Possibly in all of sports.