Our Offensive Gift Guide

Last week, Kansas City Mayor Mark Funkhouser was offering up some lame excuse about his wife, Gloria Squitiro, adding an E to the word ma’am so that it sounded like “mammy.” We say, embrace your obvious prejudice, Mr. and Mrs. Funk. Also available as an apron.

Everybody seems up in arms that Kansas City, Missouri, School District Superintendent Anthony Amato would call school-board members “bitches.” We say, join in the fun and proudly display that you’re part of his inner circle. One size fits all bitch-ass board members.

While all of baseball is embroiled in a steroids controversy, we Royals fans are left wondering why our boys didn’t juice more. Maybe they ought to return to the ways of ’80s Royals stars with a bit of Colombian energy. Made from 100 percent-pure coca-plant fabric.

Paul Morrison knows how to spread holiday cheer. While some pornstar-‘stash-wearing men might charge for such a service, this two-time target of sexual harassment complaints will help you ring in the New Year right in this stylish tee. Made from a polyester blend for smooth groping.