Night & Day Events

Thursday, September 16
Contrary to what those in the advertising industry think, women don’t desire handy disposable floor mops, total body makeovers or obsequious male accompaniment on shopping expeditions. What they really want is to run wild in the forest, to beat on animal-hide drums, to penetrate psychic inner worlds, to dance around fires crying the goddess’s name — which, by the way, is not Oprah. The organizers of the Gaea Goddess Gathering, today through Sunday at Camp Gaea Retreat Center in McLouth, Kansas, know this. Billed as “A Festival for All Women,” the event features workshops in psychic development, self-healing, herbal mysteries, rhythmic dancing and intuitive drumming, among many other activities one won’t see on TV. Also on the agenda is guest speaker Ellen Dugan, author, gardener and witch. Call Jamie McCalister at 816-452-7606 or visit www.gaeagoddessgathering.com for more information.

Friday, September 17
Kansas City is just small enough that when we hear about natives releasing a record, it doesn’t really matter if we think it sucks or not. It just matters what the rest of the country thinks, because if they like it, we get to add one more celebrity to our relatively meager list. Not that we think Michelle Anthony sucks — we actually don’t know. But we can find out at 8 tonight at Davey’s Uptown (3402 Main) where the singer, whose voice has been compared with Chrissie Hynde and Emmylou Harris, celebrates the debut of her CD, Stand Fall Repeat. It was recorded in Chicago with Jay Bennett (formerly of Wilco) and mixed by Chris Fudurich (of Nada Surf). Tickets are $8; call 816-753-1909 for more information.

Saturday, September 18
Sure, dancing’s all about drowning inhibition in booze, then letting go. But wouldn’t it be nice to bust just one move that actually looked intentional? The savior of anyone who has watched MTV’s “The Grind” in a state of sorrowful envy now arrives in the form of Ryan W., veteran dance commando of major commercials (i.e., iPod, eBay) and music videos and concerts (i.e., Britney Spears, Ricky Martin), who teaches beginning, intermediate and advanced dance classes at The Barn Players in Mission (6219 Martway). Those who already know how to shake it may benefit from Mr. W’s experience in the world of professional dance, and the rest of us are finally going to learn the Robot. Cost is $20. Call 913-422-1286 for more information.

Sunday, September 19
The Hall of Waters Spa and Water Bar sounds like it should be found in L.A. — like where Ben Affleck goes for rehab and Mary Kate Olsen works her way up to 95 pounds. However, the illustrious European-style spa is actually situated in decidedly un-glam Excelsior Springs. From 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. today and 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. tomorrow, the spa hosts a free health and beauty expo, where one can learn about toxic-free living, colonics, massage therapy, nutrition and exercise — if you’re into those kinds of things. Next thing you know, they’ll be trying to get Kansas Citians to date, too. For more information, call Nanci Kincaid at 816-630-6900.

Monday, September 20
Though theater should never serve merely as a means of self-expression, surely it’s excusable once in a while for a disgruntled wage slave to pretend to kill someone in hopes of venting a few pent-up frustrations. And anyone who has done it knows that stabbing someone with a rectractable stage knife and watching them pretend to die is a hell of a lot more gratifying than incense and yoga. How fitting, too, that auditions for Deathtrap at the City Theatre of Independence are tonight and tomorrow during the typically homicidal rush hour, from 5 to 7 p.m., at the Roger T. Sermon Community Center in Independence (201 N. Dodgion Road). The play, by Ira (Stepford Wives) Levin, is a classic one-liner fest chock-full of greed, betrayal and murder — all the things we fantasize about at work. Call Sharon Propst at 816-325-7367 for more information.

Tuesday, September 21
We aren’t actually big fans of children’s lit, but Lemony Snicket is the exception to the rule. His chronicles in A Series of Unfortunate Events follow the misadventures of the ill-fated Baudelaire orphans, whose wealthy parents die and leave an inheritance that can’t be claimed until the oldest child, 14-year-old Violet, reaches adulthood. Until then, the three must live with blood relatives, each of whom is mean, irresponsible or dead by the end of the novel. The latest installment, The Grim Grotto, has just been released, and the Leawood Barnes & Noble (4751 West 117th Street) hosts a party at 7 tonight to celebrate. While the games, contests, prizes and giveaways are probably geared toward kids, we love that their invite says, “Come dressed as your favorite character and plan to enjoy a thoroughly depressing and miserable evening.” We also love that the author, whose real name is Daniel Handler, plays the accordion in the cult band Magnetic Fields. Call Ann Stewart at 913-491-4399 for information.

Wednesday, September 22
Drastic advances in weapons technology have made modern warfare no laughing matter. That doesn’t mean we can’t make fun of the U.S. military, though; like any big organization, it has its share of cranks, nut jobs and ne’er-do-wells. Leavenworth paralegal Gregory Marino has taken on the challenge of military parody in a time of war with his play Murder at Fort Leavenworth or The General Is Generally Dead!, an interactive mystery dinner theater performed by the Leavenworth Players Group. The show has received positive feedback but still hasn’t made it out of the hinterlands, possibly because the promotional materials blatantly claim that “the show is family friendly and contains no objectionable language or situations.” Come on, not even a fart joke? Still, it might be worth the drive to Parkville to see General Swinbutton bite the big one at 6:30 at The Power Plant Brewery (2 Main Street). Admission with dinner is $40. Call 816-746-5051 for reservations.