Night & Day Events
Thursday, May 26
Several scientific studies of graphology — the use of handwriting analysis to divine the writer’s personality — have ruined its credibility. But we hear that in France, an estimated 70 percent of companies use it when making hiring decisions. And we love the French. So graphology is our new best friend — particularly now that we’ve stumbled upon www.myhandwriting.com, where expert Bart Baggett gives tips for, among other things, using the process to uncover sexual secrets. His insights provide an excellent opportunity to indulge in covert operations, such as securing a writing sample from a new boyfriend and scrutinizing it for telltale signs of incompatibility between the sheets. (The bigger the loop in someone’s lower-zone letters, such as g and y, the greater the sexual imagination. And if those same loops are incomplete, well, said subject isn’t being satisfied.) No promises that tonight’s 7 p.m. handwriting analysis workshop at the Mid-Continent Public Library’s Kearney Branch (100 South Platte Clay Way) will get into this bawdy breakdown of penmanship, but we’re sure graphology’s good for other stuff, too. We just don’t know what. Call 816-628-5055.
Friday, May 27
Tonight from 4 to 10, find willing individuals to conduct experiments using your new graphology knowledge (see Thursday) when tapas bar Matadors (1815 West 39th Street, 816-561-3663) hosts the first Boulevard Beat Party of the season on its rooftop deck. (Then again, maybe you should save yourself the trouble and just head downstairs afterward to Bar Ibiza for salsa dancing — supposedly an even more telling demonstration of skill in the sack.) Other than the requisite beer, expect live entertainment and door prizes. The only catch is that you have to be on the restaurant’s distribution list, which apparently makes you a “VIP.” Sign up at www.matadorskc.com.
Saturday, May 28
Once there’s even a hint that beach season will soon arrive (um, February), fashion and health mags start playing to our darkest fears: “Get a Bikini Bum in 30 Days!” shout the covers. And we scoff and push our grocery carts toward something that speaks to our intellectual side. Like Us Weekly. We’ll spare you our postfeminist discourse on the culture of beauty and how cellulite is natural, but we’ll also be honest: None of this really applies to us, because we live in the Midwest, land of little water. But today marks the opening of the Jackson County beaches, which means maybe it’s time to replace our threadbare swimsuit and look into underwater Pilates. Blue Springs Lake and Longview Lake beaches both have sand volleyball courts and more than an acre designated for swimming. Who you calling landlocked? See www.jacksongov.org for hours and locations.
Sunday, May 29
Susan Orlean is known to erudite folk as a New Yorker staff writer whose essays from that and other magazines were collected in The Bullfighter Checks Her Makeup: My Encounters With Extraordinary People. Indie film buffs are likely to imagine that she looks like Meryl Streep, who plays her in Adaptation, the film based on Orlean’s book The Orchid Thief. The writer is today’s guest on New Letters on the Air, the UMKC-produced literary show that airs at 6 a.m. on KCUR 89.3. We know it’s early for a Sunday morning — but maybe, just maybe, she’ll talk about the girly surfing film we can’t get enough of, Blue Crush, which is based on a magazine article she wrote.
Monday, May 30
There is no place like Amazon.com for amateur book reviewers to ply their trade with 800-plus-word screeds on the novels they love and the novels they love to hate. George R. R. Martin has that kind of following in the fantasy-writing world. Says one self-appointed critic, “Sometimes it seems as though the characters know that they’re in an epic fantasy novel, their language is so affected.” Of course, that’s just one review of 1,178 concerning just one of the books in Martin’s epic A Song of Ice and Fire series. Martin speaks for himself today at the Brentano’s at Mission Center Mall (4800 Johnson Drive in Mission) from 2 to 4 p.m. He’ll read from his unreleased latest, A Feast for Crows. Watch your back, Potter.
Tuesday, May 31
When we think about all the dating shows on television — Blind Date, Fifth Wheel, Taildaters, etc. — one comes to mind because it has more schmuck value than any other: Elimidate. The half-hour installments involve a group date that pits four suitors against one another for the attention of one lucky single. The result is often a witless mishmash of pathetic come-ons, blank stares and beautiful people. It’s terrifically bad, and it’s coming to Kansas City. WE CAN’T WAIT. Open casting calls started Wednesday, May 25, at perfectly appropriate venues such as Kona Grill and America’s Pub and continued all week. Tonight’s opportunists can check in at Harpo’s (4109 Pennsylvania) from 10 to midnight — coincidentally, it’s the bar’s most popular night, thanks to the instant-hangover quarter draws. (Tip to the show’s casting agents: You could probably find fodder for multiple episodes among the Harpo’s staff alone.) See www.elimidate.com for additional dates and times.
Wednesday, June 1
Today’s a good day to go out and get a cup of coffee, and here’s why. When we bought the Most Beautiful Coffee Table Ever Created, we changed. Our living room looked lovely, but we became cruel and unjust to anyone who dared do this piece of furniture wrong. This sort of care requires coasters, we realized, which forced us to embark on another search. There aren’t many good-looking coasters out there, yet they are necessary. Do we risk rings on the MBCTEC? We discovered salvation in the form of self-promotion. At Coffee Girls (310 Southwest Boulevard), along with fliers for upcoming shows and art openings, we spied a stack of lovely, thick coasters with a subtle orange-and-chocolate-brown design. The info on the back led us to the Web site of one Matt Bramlette — www.embe.us — which we don’t mind pimping for the sake of protecting our treasured investment.
