NFL Hires Dissembler As Consultant

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Hang loose, Chiefs fans, Ari’s on the job.

The NFL hired a genius as a consultant.

Ari Fleischer, the most infamous White House press secretary since Ron Ziegler, is bringing his special brand of verbal gymnastics to professional sports players, providing seminars as president of Ari Fleischer Sports Communications.

His first tip — “be honest” — is a clear illustration of Fleischers’ public relations genius. First, its audacity in never conceding that he ever misled the American people from the White House podium puts his audience completely off-balance. Second, it distracts the audience from every previous lie uttered by Fleischer, no mean feat for the president’s primary spokesperson before the Iraq War.

Kansas City’s sports teams need Fleischer’s mendacity to distract local media from finishing in last place. For example, the Royals may no longer feel the need to give out poorly made crap to fans, instead opting for a press spokesman to peddle crap. After all, unlike a Billy Butler jersey, effective half-truths and deceptions are never demoted to Omaha.

The Chiefs would also eagerly seek a consult from Fleischer – after all, there is no better way to distract attention from Carl Peterson than have someone take abuse from Kansas City’s media on a weekly basis:

Q: They sacked Brodie Croyle 10 times today. Is the offensive line a concern?