Marilyn Monroe and Studies in Crap unite to contemplate cleavage and toast Miss America

Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from area basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.

Miss America Pageant Official Year Book

Date: 1952

Discovered at: Timeless Treasures Antique Mall, Kansas City, Mo.

The Cover Promises: When the night is at its darkest, the police commissioner of Atlantic City aims a beacon to the heavens to summon that great protector of the Jersey shore: Miss America!

With the pageant scene scandalized by nudie pix, breast-implants, and contestants who on occasion answer a question with honesty, Americans might find themselves longing for the glamorous beauty contests of the past, for a time when there was something innocent about competitions wherein judges awarded scholarships to women according to the ripeness with which they crammed themselves into swimsuits and evening gowns.

Judging by this week’s extraordinary find, that time, I fear, never existed — not even for the vaunted Miss America.