Local Talent, Lee’s Summit Branch
This may be the strangest item we’ve received since I started working at the Pitch (well, the strangest item that’s transmittable via the Internet, anyway, and isn’t spam), and I wanted to share it with all y’all. The following e-mail [sic] was sent to the inbox of the Night Ranger, who forwarded it to me because I am the guy in the office who has to deal with “local talent.” Note the sender’s near-vulgar email address.
From: f8ck99@yahoo.com
To: editorial@pitch.com
Subject: john jewell / local talent
Dear Jenifer ,
hello , how are you doing ? I have a story how do I start ? I have a web site you can see my most dearest project. The song baby is there ,which I wrote and sang. I hope you like the beautifull drive trough lees summit ( which I recomend muteing the windy background ).
I need the help and support of my community which means , please share this web site through your journal the pitch , ok ?
www.johnjewel.com
Doesn’t sound like the product of a cultivated mind, does it? Even stranger is what lies behind that link. On a fantastically ugly background, a choppy video plays showing what appears to be footage of a Lee’s Summit church shot by a head trauma patient on a skateboard. There is a Gumby cameo early in the film, which creeps my shit out because I randomly mentioned Gumby a few posts ago. The inspiring, orchestra-of-keyboards “song baby” plays on a separate feed. I hate to piss on this guy’s “most dearest project” because he’s probably just some immigrant all jazzed up about living in a Missouri suburb. But, dude, what the stink?
