LL Cool J, satanist: Studies in Crap presents Dancing With Demons

Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.

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Dancing With Demons: The Music’s Real Master

Author: Jeff Godwin

Date: 1988

Publisher: Chick Publications

Discovered at: Brookside estate sale

The Cover Promises: Best Burning Man ever!

Representative Quotes:

  • “Homosexuality and Satanism are the two main reasons you should burn any Hall & Oates records and tapes you might own.” (page 90)

  • “Notice the lyrics from LL Cool J’s song ‘Dangerous.’ The word ‘hail’ (come forth) is used. LL Cool J is calling for demons. Are demons the ‘new concept’ he’s injecting ‘into your ears?'” (page 132)

By the late 1980s, evangelicals had perfected an unlikely method of winning young people to Christ.

Step One. Loudly damn everything that young people might enjoy, ever.

Step Two: Watch the kids flock to you.

Of course, denouncing youth culture meant some dedicated evangelicals had to swallow hard and experience youth culture. Jeff Godwin dared to, and the Lord revealed horrors unto him, such as the obvious fact that LL Cool J cavorts with demons. (Lucifer must have a big ol’ butt.)

Turns out, all of kids’ musical heroes perform in the service of demons, devils, and “a Greek deity named Pan.” Godwin proves this on the book’s first page when he points out that Paul McCartney holds a panpipe on the sleeve of his Pipes of Peace record, a well-known favorite of cultists everywhere. As a cabarnet sauvignon is to fine steak, so is the light funk of “Say, Say, Say” to human sacrifice.

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