Keep Them Coming: Splash of science

Keep Them Coming with Kristen Thomas. // Photo by Nicole Bissey

Squirting should no longer be a contentious topic, yet denial of its existence persists. Bad lovers mislabel it, stigmatize it, and sometimes fetishize it. I want to share some of the points I use to educate about squirting, also known as female ejaculation, but they are two different functions.

Let’s first put the top myth to rest—squirting is real. In 2020, a review of over 40 studies conducted during a 130-year span concluded that squirting is a biological phenomenon. The fluid has a mucusy texture and is released from the Skene’s gland via the urethra upon orgasm. Squirting is often recognized as a higher volume of liquid release than female ejaculation. Squirting and FE are also produced by different glands but can happen simultaneously.

Squirting fluid is not pee. Yes, there is a small trace of urea and creatine found in the fluid that is ejaculated. As a reminder, there can be a small amount of both substances found in semen, as well. There is a distinct difference between the smell of urine and that of squirting fluid, the latter having little to no odor. It’s also typically clear and does not stain clothes or sheets. 

Lucile, in her 40s, enjoyed her post-divorce singlehood because she regularly left men mesmerized by her squirting capabilities. She even sent pics of her empty bed with a wet spot to her friends before changing her sheets. She and her friends both laughed about the volume of liquid and lauded her and her lovers.

Not all squirters are loud and proud of their capabilities. Some squirters are embarrassed or annoyed by what they perceive as a “mess.” Being a regular squirter can create extra housework. If she didn’t have a set of clean sheets or it was too late to do laundry, Lucile would avoid a lover for the night. She didn’t have it in her to take on the extra work her pussy would create.

It is possible for all vaginas to potentially squirt, but not all of them will, and even those that have before may not do so with any sort of regularity, if ever again. Someone can be a squirter during a period of their life, with a particular lover, or when the moon and stars Venus aligned that one time. It may be so easy for her that she gushes every time, even multiple times. Or, it may happen once and never ever happen again. There is a wide range in ability and consistency. In theory, 10-50% of women/AFABs have squirted at least once in their life.

“The G Spot hype set us back,” proclaimed Dr. Laurie Mintz in her award-winning book Becoming Clitorate. After the 1982 publication of the book The G Spot: And Other Discoveries about Human Sexuality, which described the blended orgasm (cumming from stimulation of both the g spot and clitoris simultaneously), the media proclaimed everyone was doing it wrong if they weren’t doing it that way.

Partners should not make it their mission to make each other squirt. To fixate on this outcome can leave her/them feeling inadequate, or that you only care about making them squirt rather than their overall pleasure, or that they aren’t valued for other sexual acts. Feelings of inadequacy can also arise for the partner trying to make their lover squirt if it doesn’t happen.

Neither of you can be fully present and in the moment when you are focused on an outcome, be it squirting or an orgasm. All sexual encounters should be about the journey rather than the destination. Focus on removing forms of pressure from your playtime, even self-induced pressure.

If the vulva owner wants to learn to squirt, yes, there are ways to try to unleash the honey from the pot. Sexologists have found that, typically, the g spot needs to be involved somehow, but how exactly will vary from person to person. Some g spots prefer pressure, some need consistency in the stoke, some need tapping, some need friction, and some need hardly anything at all if their arousal is high enough.

Certain positions can induce squirting.

“Anything with my legs up, knees on shoulders, or me on top,” says Lucile.

Fingers and toys can also be used to stimulate the g spot, and simultaneous clitoral stimulation can help—again, that’s the blended orgasm. 

Having said that, if one or both of you can squirt, there are ways to enhance the experience and make it less of a chore. Get a mattress protector. This is a must-have, but also get one that is more sheet-like and doesn’t make crinkling sounds. PVC sheets are very cheap online these days, and you can lay them over your bedding and then roll them up to take to the bathroom. They have a distinct texture and can feel like you’ve got a sticker attached to your back when you change positions, and they cannot be machine-washed.

Throw blankets by Liberator are velvety soft and hold up for years, plus, they can be used on couches, floors, or vehicles, and they can go in the washing machine. For even more protection, Tom’s of Finland has a soft blanket with an inflatable ring around the edge. That product can be for a wide variety of protection between your bed and fluids.

The best advice a partner can get with regard to squirting is to know that most vulva owners can’t make it happen on a whim, if at all.

Lucile says, “I have zero control over the amount—lack of or abundance of has nothing to do with your skill.”

When, as a coach, I have encountered men who are hyper-fixated on making their lover squirt, I use a movie analogy. If you go to the movies and expect every single film to be the best movie of all time, you will be repeatedly disappointed. Not every movie can be the best, but many of them can be incredible in their own right. You’d enjoy going to the movies way more if you chilled TF out and released your stupidly high expectations.

Ditch the expectations, banish the pressure, and revel in the journey of sexual exploration with an open mind. If you make pleasure your main goal, neither of you will be disappointed.

You can find Kristen @OpenTheDoorsKC on Instagram or openthedoorscoaching.com