Keep Them Coming: Painting the pansexual picture for Pride Month

Illustration by Shelby Phelps

“Pansexual” began to enter the Western cultural vernacular hard around 2018, when it was one of the top three words of the year for Webster’s Dictionary. It simply means an attraction to all genders. People who identify as pansexual often give a more nuanced interpretation, such as an attraction to a wide variety of bodies in which gender is not a factor that attracts them nor hinders attraction.

Holly (42) says she first heard the term pansexual when Miley Cyrus came out in 2016. Joy (45) says it was when she began to explore what gender meant to her around the beginning of the pandemic. Gabrielle (24) and Brian (44) say it was likely the internet that taught them the term. Certified Sexologist Genevieve Bergman says she had heard of “omnisexual,” but didn’t hear of pansexual until 2020.

Sigmund Freud technically coined the term—originally as “pan-sexualism,” and was first referenced in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology. Freud is someone from history whom I wish his mom had swallowed instead. He was a harbinger of puritanical bullshit, and he falsified research which he then passed along as canon. While it is true that the majority of humans identify as heterosexual, it doesn’t make any orientation outside of that “abnormal.” 2% of the population identifies as pansexual, resulting in more pansexual people than there are redheads in the world.

Elder Millennial queers were often full-fledged adults when they encountered the term, whereas Gen Z’ers grew up in a world where they had pansexual artists and TV characters in their lives.

Schitt’s Creek character David Rose—portrayed by Daniel Levy—gave Stevie the most beautifully simple explanation of pansexuality that I’ve ever heard: “I like the wine, not the label.”

Kansas City’s own Janelle Monáe identifies as pansexual. When they read about pansexuality, there was a light-bulb moment. “‘Oh, these are things that I identify with too.’ I’m open to learning more about who I am,” Monáe says in a 2018 interview with Rolling Stone.

People who identify as pansexual often first regard themselves as bisexual. Holly says, “Being raised in a strict evangelical home, I felt quite a bit of shame being sexually attracted to women. I came out to my siblings and friends years ago, but I called myself bisexual. Eventually, after some years of exploring my sexuality, I thought “Hmm, maybe pansexual is what I am!”

“I used to identify as a bisexual woman,” says Katie, (36). “That has evolved a lot. I don’t necessarily identify as binary either, so as I look out at other people that I was attracted to, this doesn’t make sense to put a binary label on. It doesn’t fit.”

Pan folks often say that deep introspection or analysis of their own identities led them to realize they don’t see gender identity as a hindrance to or a prerequisite for attraction to another person. It’s not that they don’t see gender, but rather they get turned on by someone’s soul.

Local author Hazel Krebs chronicled her life in her new book Enthusiastically Me. “It was part of that gender exploration for me. Pansexual made more sense when I was understanding my own gender,” Krebs says. When she didn’t fit into the binary box, she worried something was wrong with her. Once she realized there was nothing wrong with her—it was simply her social context of the binary—she embraced being pansexual. “It’s freeing, it’s being capable of being attracted to anybody.”

While some people have a general idea of when it hit them, Bergman says she had a very specific awakening. “Matt Bomer, transgender porn, and HRT (hormone replacement therapy).”

Dating as a pansexual can be freeing, and also exhausting in some regards. “For me, attraction had nothing to do with what kind of genitalia you possess,” Gabrielle says. Katie added, “It’s not that I don’t see gender—I accept you as a person wholly, regardless of your identity and gender.”

“I’m working on being more comfortable living authentically, but it really is scary. Eventually, I added being pansexual to my dating profiles, and it has initiated quite a few conversations, with men especially, inquiring about what that means,” Holly says.

Joy says her discomfort with herself at one point made her think she was not interested in sex or dating at all. “When I first came out as trans, I identified as asexual because I hated the whole idea of sex. Turns out – that was dysphoria,” she says. Joy started having glimpses of what could be one day as she began her social transition, and found attraction and desire began to return to her life. “I’m attracted to everybody! I think there’s also a lot of demisexuality involved there for me. I don’t care what you are, I care who you are.”

Pansexual people agree that a common misconception about this is that they just want to fuck everyone. Gabrielle says she wishes that people knew that it doesn’t mean a pansexual person is inherently hypersexual. “It gives me the opportunity to make connections with anyone that I might feel a connection with. It’s non-restrictive.”

Holly knows that there are a lot of people who misunderstand pansexuality. “I’m not necessarily ‘in the closet,’ but I don’t often share my sexuality with people in my everyday life, because I feel like I will be misunderstood or judged as some kind of sex freak.”

As a term, “pansexual is a whole lot better than the old joke of being ‘Try-sexual,’ cause I’ll try anything. I’m willing to do more than try!” Bergman says.

“There’s no rules when it comes to gender,” Krebs says. “You can have fun sexually with anyone. The whole idea that sex is just a penis in a vagina needs to go away.”

When asked what he wishes people knew about pansexuality, Brian (44) says, “I would love for people to understand that it’s not a kink. Pansexuality is simply having a romantic interest in people regardless of what’s under their pants.”

Some people may think of labels as something that divides us, something that separates us into categories. But Bergman pushes back on that mindset, instead asserting, “It’s something for ourselves to describe ourselves. Labels are not a box someone puts me in. Those are things I give myself so other people know where I’m coming from.”

As we celebrate Pride Month and the vibrant tapestry of LGBTQ+ identities, remember that embracing pansexuality as part of the queer community means recognizing and celebrating the beauty of human diversity in all its forms. Please stand in solidarity with the pansexual community and advocate for a world where love knows no bounds, and where everyone can live proudly and authentically, free from discrimination or exclusion. Happy Pride!

You can find Kristen @OpenTheDoorsKC on Instagram or openthedoorscoaching.com. Check out her podcast Keep Them Coming.