Keep Them Coming: Nips

Keep Them Coming with Kristen Thomas. // Photo by Nicole Bissey

The nipple can be an erogenous zone on all bodies, regardless of gender. There can be psychosocial reasons for people not wanting their nipples played with, such as taboos or bad past experiences. Some women who once loved to have their partner suck on their nips while they came can find that reconnecting to their breasts in a sexual way after breastfeeding can be a hurdle.

A 2017 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine concluded that “manipulation of the nipples/breasts causes or enhances sexual arousal in approximately 82% of young women and 52% of young men, with only 7-8% reporting that it decreased their arousal.” This was also a study on college-aged participants ages 18-29, so there’s a good chance that more than 52% of older men enjoy a little nip-sucking or pinching from time to time.

A 2011 study by Rutgers University found that nipple stimulation activates the genital sensory cortex the same as stimulation of the clitoris, but this study was only conducted with female participants. It took another five years for the same research team to prove that this was also true for men. Was it that hard to find penis owners to tweak their nipples for a study?

Sex expert Goody Howard identifies 16 distinct types of orgasms (some being unique to gender), and yes, nipple orgasms are one of them. Sexologist Gigi Engle recently wrote a piece for Mashable about how to achieve nipplegasms.

The areola and nipple take in different sensations and have vastly different sensitivities from person to person; therefore, learning what you and/or your partner enjoy is the first key to a good time together. If you’re not into nipple play, of course, no one should be pressed into participation. You can skip to the end of the column for advice about saying “no, thanks.”

As we age, our bodies change, and we may have life events that alter our physical and psychological feelings about nipple play. For example, mothers may experience a kind of sexual detachment from their breasts, even for a time, once they have breastfed. Breast augmentation, both increases and decreases in size, can affect sensitivity.

“The sensitivity change was immediate, but I still enjoy nipple play,” says M, 44, of her breast enhancement. “I was probably over-sensitive before.”

Nipple play can still be enjoyable after a reduction. Many transgender men can experience sensation and enjoyment after top surgery. As many as 80% reported in a German study that they had “good” or “very good” nipple sensations once fully healed. Again, every person’s body will respond uniquely.

Factors like temperature, arousal, and individual differences contribute to nipple sensitivity. Hormonal changes around menstrual cycles and aging can also influence sensitivity, so learning patterns, listening at the moment, and knowing when to adapt to lighter sucking or less biting will earn you plenty of good lover points.

There are as many ways to stimulate areolas and nipples as your imagination can conjure. If you want to explore nipple play after having had a conversation about exploration and boundaries, there’s no better way to start than by using what’s free—hands and mouths. Caressing, pinching, tweaking, and other forms of manual stimulation require no special tools.

“I enjoy just plain sucking,” says K, 40s, female.

Explore what that mouth can do—licking, biting, hot breath, and sucking—but also various versions. For instance, biting can range from light nibbles to a pretty hard bite.

There have never been so many sex toys on the market dedicated to nipple stimulation. Suction, clamps, electrostimulation, and vibration are among the top ways to bring about pleasure and pain from online retailers such as Unbound Babes and Adam & Eve.

You can keep it simple with household items such as feathers, ice cubes, bobby pins, or an electric toothbrush. Food play can be incorporated for a delicious adventure together. Try this with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, or, hell, in this city—BBQ sauce.

Incorporate as many different textures and sensations as possible until you find what turns you on.
What if you don’t like it and want someone to stay far, far away from your nips?

“I’ve never liked it.” T, 36, says. When asked how she prevented partners from playing with her nipples, she says, “Consent wasn’t something I was familiar with.” Recently, though, direct communication has been her main tool. She tells them, “I don’t like it. It’s not my thing,” and that has been the end of the conversation. “No” is a complete sentence; every partner should understand this.

Hearing your lover when they tell you that touching, kissing, or sucking a body part isn’t enjoyable, or is a full-stop turn-off, is fundamental to any successful sexual encounter or relationship. Don’t count on all the tricks that worked for a former partner to work on the next.

Al Vernacchio gave a compelling TEDtalk years ago that has stuck with me as an educator. He proposed we discuss sex the way we do pizza—talk about your turn-ons/offs, what you each consent to, and what your boundaries are before you have sex. Vernacchio says with pizza, you talk about what you’re going to order together, and once you come to an agreement, it’s with the idea in mind that “we’re looking for an experience both of us will share that’s satisfying.”

In addition, consider a barrier layer during sexy time. You can wear a shirt, a bra, a binder, or lingerie to bed to prevent any accidental stimulation. Ultimately, communication is your best bedfellow, but do what you gotta do to be your most comfortable, sexually confident self.

You can find Kristen @OpenTheDoorsKC on Instagram or openthedoorscoaching.com