Kansas City Strip
Pinup boy: We all know Bob Dole needs help erecting things. It appears the former senator can erect neither boners nor libraries without public ceremony.
It started with the ads for Viagra and continued with Pepsi commercials in which Britney Spears gyrated with soda bottles in ways that inspired Dole to grunt, “Down, boy” — to his dog or to another member of his household, we aren’t sure. Now, the presidential-hopeful-turned-aging-hard-on-seeker is being honored with a library in his name on the University of Kansas campus. The school is hyping its opening so much that, if you didn’t know better, you’d assume Dole had triumphed over virile-to-a-fault Bill Clinton in 1996.
We don’t want to ruin the mood. We do understand that erectile dysfunction must be incredibly frustrating, especially with all that spare time Dole and other octogenarians have in their retirement years. The cruel irony of it all makes us want to skip out on work and get as much action as we can. But we digress.
The Robert J. Dole Institute of Politics actually sounds pretty cool, and it should provide historians and political scientists with worthwhile information, especially about World War II. Incorporating beams salvaged from the World Trade Center in September 2001, the building is no small monument. The university has issued several press releases announcing the glory of the building and the pomp of its dedication ceremonies, July 19-22. The use of “soaring” in reference to stained-glass windows makes us suspect someone is having fun with Dole’s erectile problems; the described proximity of a big wet basin makes us certain. Those pools are such cock teases. Again, we digress.
Another cool thing about the Dole Institute dedication is that, although he long represented a party that regularly ignores women, the dedication does not ignore the role of women during World War II — their role in regard to erections, anyway. In conjunction with the Dole festivities, KU’s Spencer Museum is displaying its collection of Esquire pinups by Alberto Vargas. It sort of excites us to think about a young, strapping Dole off in Europe, looking at those innocently pretty, satin-and-lace-wearing Varga girls. And to think we once dismissed the relationship between Viagra and Varga as a mere spelling coincidence.
