John Waters on luggage theft, The Wizard of Oz, and Kansas as minimalist art

John Waters. // Courtesy the artist

For more than fifty years John Waters has been making us laugh and think, all while pushing the relative boundaries of taste, through his films such as Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, Hairspray, and Serial Mom, to name but a few.

He’s written several best-selling books and essay collections. His latest, Liar Mouth: A Feel-Bad Romance, comes out May 3.

Waters is coming to Lawrence for a solo live show called False Negative as part of the Free State Festival April 14. He recently took the time to chat with us about the evolution of his one-man shows, the pandemic, his new book, and of course, The Wizard of Oz.

The Pitch: The title of the show, of course, references the pandemic.

John Waters: “Thanks for coming,” I tell people, “This may be the last night you ever go out!”

Do you open or close with this?

It’s right up front. And hopefully they don’t flee. But my audience knows my humor is, you know… but I’m out there too. I did eighteen cities at Christmas [with A John Waters Christmas]. I’m risking my life every day to do comedy!

We’re all in this together! So, how has the show changed over the years?

Well, I rewrite it every time. It’s been called This Filthy World, An Evening with John Waters, and I’ve got my Christmas show. But this time it changed more than ever. I had to completely rewrite it. No jokes were the same. In fact, today I was writing some Kansas material for the show… sometimes I’m putting in new jokes on the plane ride over.

So, I’ve seen you do your show once, years ago, with Tammy Faye Bakker. That was an unusual billing.

I couldn’t stand her. First of all, I was angry that she was there performing for gay people, because they’re the last people that would have her. She wasn’t a fag hag. She had her rotten husband upstairs selling Bible shit! And her show was too long—“Edit, edit…!” I wanted to yell. Tammy Faye’s “gay reputation.” Give me a break.

That was an evening I’ll never forget, I’ll tell you that much.

And I never perform on a double bill. But there was that one time with [country musician] Wanda Jackson, and she was into Jesus too. But she was great. And I told them to get her out of the theater, because I didn’t want her to hear my show, because I’m such a fan. I hoped Tammy Faye stayed and was offended.

Since you’ve been doing these one man shows so long, have you noticed the audience changing at all?

Not at all, my audiences like what they like. And everybody in my audience tends to like each other. I’d say they’re opinionated, but they have a sense of humor about themselves. And they’re not just gay or straight. It’s completely mixed, you know. I’ve never been a separatist.

Now it’s all ages, so many people come up to me and say, “Your film saved my life.” And I feel like Mother Teresa on a bummer. They say this, and I’m thinking, “You weren’t even born when I made that movie.”

Or people say to me a lot, “My parents gave me your movie!” They did? When I was young my parents called the police. Cookie Mueller’s mother called me “Beelzebub” and tried to report me to the police. It’s strange to me now, but I think the family that sees John Waters movies together stays together.

That’s very sweet, actually. Do you find that audiences in the Midwest react differently than those on the coasts or larger cities?

No, I think American humor is the same everywhere. There’s hardly any local color left anywhere. The world is so small now because of technology. So, I think my audience is cool, and smart, and hip no matter which city I go to.

Could it be suburban sprawl? The country is the same all over?

No, I don’t think so. But that’s one of the few places where I’m scared.

Since you’re coming to Kansas, would you have any advice for Dorothy in 2022?

Yeah, stay. Don’t go back there. Are you kidding? You have magic shoes—hook up with a witch, get yourself a good winged monkey husband, and cancel Glenda! Who wants to go back to that smelly farm? Auntie Em looked like no fun to me. She surely was a fashion dud.

Uncle Henry is so ill-defined, you don’t even know what he’s like. He’s probably a child molester. You don’t even know. To me, Miss Gulch, right from the beginning when you see her—you know who’s the best character in the movie. The Wicked Witch is the best character in any movie ever, so how could Dorothy not want to stay with her?

I like Kansas though, it’s like a minimalist, beautiful art piece. I’ve been to Lawrence a few times, and I’d heard in a town meeting they were trying to move on from being the town where William S. Burroughs lived. A little weary knowing a man who wrote a book called Junkie and Naked Lunch also shot his wife with an apple on her head—that he was the most revered hero of the town. It’s kinda funny.

You mentioned that Auntie Em was a “style dud.”

Well, she was. She just wore house dresses. And it reminds me that when I’m in airports in the Midwest a lot of the mothers look like old-school lesbians.

Your iconic mustache, your fun suits, the always slicked-back hair—it’s served you well over the years.

Well I don’t know how cool it is—what’s left of it. You can’t do much with this hair. And my mustache is so gray now. I use more Maybelline than ever. But you know, it gets me jobs.

That Saint Laurent ad campaign—I’m sure I got it because of my mustache. I always thought if I committed a crime and went underground that I’d have to shave it off and I think there would be a scar there, because that skin hasn’t had sunlight on it in fifty years. Maybe it would be like a brand if I shaved it off. Just burned in.

When you’re introduced onstage, do you like a specific moniker? You’ve had several over the years, “The Prince of Puke,” “The Duke of Dirt,” “Filth Elder,” etc.

Not really. I just want a simple intro. Some people go on too long and end up talking about things I’m going to say. Let me get the first laugh!

But all those names, people gave me, including William Burroughs. But “Filth Elder” was a name I gave myself. My latest one comes from France. My last book did really well there, and someone wrote me up and called me a “Queer Confucius.”

You’ve got a new book coming out, called Liar Mouth: A Feel-Bad Romance.

And I just today got the hard copies in the mail! It’s probably the craziest thing I’ve written since Pink Flamingos. It’s about a woman who steals suitcases in airports. Here’s the human trailer: Marsha Sprinkle, suitcase thief, master of disguise, scammer… children and dogs hate her.

Her own family wants her dead. She’s on the run with a big chip on her shoulder. They called her “Liar Mouth” until one insane man made her tell the truth.

Anything else you’d like to add?

Let’s see if I get away with this one!

Free State Festival presents False Negative: An Evening with John Waters Thursday, April 14 at Liberty Hall. Details on that show here.