Jimmy Nielsen is never ever leaving us

It’s 2037, and a creaky white puma strolls out of his Plaza apartment in a bathrobe. His hand shoots out to the side, catching a copy of the holographic newspaper thrown in his direction from some snot-nose kid on a hover bike. The old cat still has his reflexes, even if his Danish has gone rusty.

Jimmy Nielsen, the former goalkeeper for Sporting KC, has made good on his Twitter promise of September 11, 2012. He has not forsaken the city, his green card framed in the manner of a barbershop’s first dollar. Casino Jimmy, as he was once known, is still working the casino strip — shaking hands at the Argosy and ceremoniously “stopping” the roulette wheel’s first spin of the day. His spends his nights at Governor Stumpy’s, regaling patrons with Sporting KC’s MLS Cup win from 2012 over a plate of pork tenderloin.