Jayhawks disown White Owl? KU’s No. 1 fan claims he was banned from campus
The man wants to ban White Owl from the University of Kansas’ campus. At least, that’s what White Owl — the 61-year-old, third-team mascot for the Jayhawks — claims. Who could doubt this man’s credibility?
Well, the University of Kansas. That’s who.
White Owl is spreading his sad(?) story of persecution at the hands of shadowy people. In the latest edition of The University Daily Kansan, White Owl claims that a nameless woman representing KU’s administration told him that the school’s leaders “absolutely hated” him. So did a couple of meanies on the Facebook.
Strangely, White Owl couldn’t name any of these people. Hmm. But this all made him cry (and there’s only 73 things sadder than a crying burnout) and so desperate that he went to campus to pray. This only confirmed his worst fears, he claimed, when a police officer “warned him not to come to University events or on campus because he would be arrested.”
Except campus police deny this ever happened.
Still, White Owl claimed he was heartbroken enough that he wanted to run away to California — 42 years too late. He only made it as far as Topeka — about 30 miles — before “God” told him to go back. Here comes a happy ending:
When the fall semester starts, White Owl said, he will go back on
campus with joy and scream between classes, as per police
recommendation, and said he would buy season tickets so he could go to
every University game. He said he was going to try to get a student ID
so he could buy tickets in the student section.
Campus police told him to scream at students between classes? OK. White Owl added:
“I’d rather be out amongst the students than on TV.”
Yeah, we know. The 61-year-old was going to marry a 22-year-old KU student. But hey, love knows no age … until she calls it off.
This would all be sad if it were, you know, sad.