If every city is a person, who is Kansas City?

Highbrow rag Lapham’s Quarterly has resurrected a quote from John Berger, an English novelist and critic, about how every city can be characterized as a person.
Every city has a sex and an age which have nothing to do with demography. Rome is feminine. So is Odessa. London is a teenager, an urchin, and in this hasn’t changed since the time of Dickens. Paris, I believe, is a man in his twenties in love with an older woman. —John Berger, 1987
So, who is Kansas City? (For reference, here’s what people have written about their hometowns.)
We at The Pitch stroked our goatees, puffed our pipes and pondered this quote, and wrote some suggestions for our own fair city. What do you think?