Hey You!

Hey, you, Craigslist poster who put up for sale a $2,775 engagement ring setting. “I purchased this with the purpose of proposing to my girlfriend of six years,” you wrote on December 16. “However, as things would have it, we broke up, and I now have a ring which I cannot in good faith give to another woman (because of sentimental reasons).” Awww, I thought, a heartbroken boy with an empty ring, right before Christmas. But then sinister thoughts crept into my head. What if you, Craigslist poster, were hoping that lonely girls with hearts of gold would see this posting, take pity on you and call the Overland Park number, angling for a date? Hoping to receive a diamond of their own, they’d get a one-night stand and another sob story. I wonder if you, Craigslist poster, proposed without putting a diamond in that setting, which is big enough to park the Hope Diamond in. Diamonds aren’t my thing, but if you gave me an empty ring, I’d dump you, too. “It’s the most beautiful ring I have ever seen,” you wrote, “and everyone I know who has seen it loves it.” Everyone, that is, except your ex-girlfriend.

Send anonymous confessions, congratulations or accusations to heyyou@pitch.com.