Gals, These Guys Know What’s Best

 

By NADIA PFLAUM

Why two old men with families of their own would waste legislative time meddling with the

Salva  

ovaries of Missouri women is puzzling. But read on.

Last week, when the Missouri House was considering a bill meant to fight methamphetamine production, Missouri Rep. Ray Salva, a Democrat who lives in Sugar Creek, tacked on language restricting women’s reproductive rights. The original bill was written to increase reporting requirements on sales of pseudoephedrine, a cold medicine ingredient abused by meth cookers. Salva’s amendment would add mifepristone, better known as RU-486, a drug that induces abortion, to the list of Schedule 1 Controlled Substances, putting RU-486 in the same category as cocaine and heroin.

Taking a dose of RU-486 is nothing like getting a bump off a key in the bathroom of a club. It requires a doctor’s prescription, the first of the two-pill dose must be taken in a doctor’s presence and the second pill is usually taken at home, in private. It’s prescribed only during the first seven weeks of pregnancy. No one uses it for recreational giggles.

As for State Rep. Ed Emery, a Republican from Lamar, he’s responsible for introducing House Bill 1625, which would shield pharmacies from lawsuits if they refuse to “perform, assist, recommend, refer to, or participate in any act or service in connection with any drug or device that causes an abortion.” Emery thinks pharmacists should be allowed to opt out of filling a prescription for RU-486 and opt out of dispensing Plan B, the morning-after pill — even though Plan B does not cause an abortion. Plan B prevents the need for abortion. If taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex, it prevents a pregnancy.

 

Ed Emery’s clothing-coordinated family  

Emery tells The Pitch he didn’t write this bill to complicate the lives of women he’s never met. He just wanted to help small-town pharmacists who don’t receive enough demand for RU-486 or Plan B to keep the drugs in stock at all times. Stocking drugs that expire on the shelves wastes money, Emery says.

Which made us wonder: Are small-town condoms more break-resistant?

Emery also managed to sneak the topic of Roe v. Wade into a report by the House Special Committee on Immigration, which he chairs. “This whole immigration problem would not even be an issue if it weren’t for Roe vs. Wade,” he said. “Twenty million potential workers have been needlessly killed. We would not need any immigrant workers at all if those 20 million aborted fetuses were contributing to the economy.”

Who knew? If we overturn Roe v. Wade, that pesky immigration problem is solved!

These two reps have more in common than pharmaceutical ignorance. In 2006, police charged Emery with driving on the wrong side of the road, and cops arrested Salva in February on a charge of drunken driving. Perhaps they can trade notes on women’s issues if they’re put in the same court-ordered remedial driver’s-ed class.

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