Fried Up

Last week, I wrote one of the most unpopular columns of my career, blasting the jazz scene, the American Jazz Museum, Down Beat magazine, Wynton Marsalis, the country of Eritrea (oh, wait, that was a different column), Derek Trucks and Susan Tedeschi, and, meanest of all, the Blue Room — for being crusty and uninspiring. I could feel the bad mojo circling. I debated with friends, I went for long walks, and my cat refused to sleep with me until I played my entire Smithsonian jazz boxed set.

And then, Sunday morning, via e-mail, the dunce hat arrived.

Chuck Haddix, host of the Fish Fry on KCUR 89.3 and author of Kansas City Jazz, From Ragtime to Bebop, put it on me. I respect the guy greatly, and I love listening to his show on Friday and Saturday nights to get geared up for revelry. And, to be honest, I loved getting bitch-slapped by him. Honor compels me to reprint parts of the letter here, with my responses in italics. Chuck writes: “When it comes to the local jazz scene, you need to lighten up. You remind me of me when I wrote a column for the Pitch — full of righteous indignation. I was åso much younger then.’ When I managed Pennylane back in the early 1980s, I helped start what was then the Pennypitch. The original editor, Don Mayberger, aka Warren Stylus, now known as the camera guy of åRare Visions,’ lived in my backyard on 54th and Charlotte in a van we dubbed Van Morrison. It was a great time to be in the record business. We had too much fun on a daily basis — and got paid for it. We were inspired by underground newspapers and National Lampoon.” I wouldn’t be so righteously indignant if life would just be more interesting once in a while, says the youth. “You would do better to write about what you know about — rock n’ roll.”

No props for my hip-hop stories? Daaang.

“I read your column and marvel at how quickly the bands come and go. I’m still waiting to hear about the next buzz band Vomit Through Your Nose.”

I just snorted coffee through my nose. But really, isn’t it my job to keep up with hot new bands? Talk about only a few bands, they accuse you of hype; talk about many, they call you fickle.

“Remember, ‘rock ‘n roll is here to pay.’ You really don’t have a clue when it comes to the jazz scene.”

Yeouch!

“Since the Pitch does not cover the local jazz or blues scene, you really have no moral authority to rail against the Blue Room or 18th and Vine … Let’s face it, you have failed to cover the local blues and jazz scene. The Record Bar has received ample coverage at the expense of B.B.’s Lawnside Bar-B-Q and Knuckleheads. This is a serious omission.”

You’re right. I suck.

“If you would like to learn more about Kansas City’s intemperate past, read my book. Give me a call if you want to find out what is happening now. You could start with coverage of the Rounders at Blayney’s in a couple of weeks.

Look for a preview next week in Night & Day. Booyah.

“You already missed out on Pat Martino Monday night at the Blue Room.”

Pat who? Oops.

“You need to quit bitchin’ and get with the program. I’d help you out, but I’m busy working on a biography of Charlie Parker.”

Good luck with the bio, Chuck.

Look, it’s easy to get a pure musical fix from live jazz regardless of the setting. As long as the cats are playing well — and we have some good cats in town — there’s no problem connecting with the music. But there’s not nearly the energy or vibe of the rock and hip-hop scenes.

I gave Haddix a call. We had a friendly chat about some shows coming up at Knuckleheads that he’s excited about, and he suggested that we get a blues and jazz columnist. “Your geezer hipster audience is underserved,” he said, chuckling.

But maybe it’s kids like me who are underserved by jazz-loving geezer hipsters out there. Bring a real scene, daddy-o, and I’ll quit bitchin’.