Friday Book Review: Ryan Lefebvre’s The Shame of Me

On Sunday, August 7, 2005, the Kansas City Royals lost to Oakland, 11-0. Later that night, Ryan Lefebvre, the team’s 34-year-old television and radio announcer, crouched in his closet, tears running down his face.

Lefebvre was gripped by depression and anxiety, not the tedium of having to watch a Royals team that lost 106 games. In The Shame of Me: One Man’s Journey to Depression and Back (Ascend Books, 241 pages, $22.95), Lefebrve describes the emotional debilitation he experienced during the 2005 season. On a road trip to Cleveland, the broadcaster sat in a darkened hotel room, a bottle of Xanax on the bedside table, and considered how he could walk out of the Marriott and get to a hospital without being spotted by anyone in the Royals’ traveling party. (He ended up going to the park and calling the game.)

The Shame of Me is a brave book told by a sincere, even admirable man. (Lefebrve worked with former Kansas City Star sportswriter Jeffrey Flanagan.) But it’s not without flaws. The narrative frequently loses steam, and by book’s end, Lefebvre sounds too much like the one of the platitude-reliant life coaches he seeks out as he reconstitutes his mental health.