Four Inane Questions with mom blogger Julie Burton

Courtesy photo

She’s quick and quippy, snarky and barky. Social media maven Julie Burton has made a cottage industry out of being irreverent online—and she can usually do it in 180 characters or less. In fact, she’s been called one of the funniest mom bloggers in Kansas City. 

The KC native—surprisingly quiet and introverted IRL—doesn’t hold back on social media. If you’ve seen any of her parenting posts, you know the mom of two tries to “put an end to the perfect highlight reel of parenting we all see on social media,” she says.  

With over 120,000 followers—”reaching over three million people a month,” she says— Burton tells her readers the real story behind raising two teenage daughters in Overland Park. It’s a perfect blend of comic relief for moms, wives, and women worldwide who can relate to her blunt (and often embarrassing) real-life stories. (Those jokes about hiding your underwear at the gyno? Those all started with her.) 

It’s no wonder she was named The Pitch’s Best Twitter in KC in 2021 and Best Instagram in KC in 2022.

Burton tells us she’s currently looking for the perfect new gig to complement her never-ending skillset. Fortunately, she was game for us to zing her with our hopeless questionnaire. Let’s just say a lot of coffee—and patience—was involved.

The Pitch: What is one food you absolutely could not give up.

Julie Burton: I love torture. I love to sweat when I eat. I love snot running down my face and getting vertigo when I stand up due to the pure heat. The one food I cannot give up is anything spicy. If there isn’t some kind of spicy kick to a meal, then it’s bland. 

Give me all the jalapeños, red pepper flakes, Sriracha, habaneros, and whatever is in “Thai hot.” I once went on a recipe hunt for the best fried jalapeño batter. I ate eight jalapeños in one sitting. It wasn’t pretty 12 hours later. Oh, but it was glorious.

In what trivia topic could you CRUSH your competition? 

History. That’s a pretty broad trivia topic, but I’d say I do better than most, especially Kansas City history. I think some of this stems from my own family. My great grandmother babysat Tom Pendergast’s kids in the 1920s. 

And in 1875, my great-great uncle was playing on the family farm in Missouri when Jesse James asked him if he would bring him something to eat. My great-great-great grandma said to bring them in. She would feed Jesse and his group because she wanted to have a word with them. Maybe she offered them farm-fresh jalapeños?

Name a paint color that should never ever grace any wall. 

Red. It’s too bold. If you look in my closet, you’ll notice I’m the queen of neutrals. I like to blend in. I don’t like bringing attention to myself. This goes for my home, too. Chiefs, I love you guys, but I won’t be painting my walls “Chiefs Red” even if Travis Kelce asked me to. 

Also, can someone get Travis Kelce to ask me? Because I’d still like to hear him ask. Standing in my home. In person.

What’s the most you’ve ever spent on a pair of shoes? 

I’m not a shoe person. I swear to God, I own less than 10 pairs of shoes. I don’t care what’s on my feet as long as they’re comfortable and don’t make me 6’2” when I walk in a room. 

I have been known to splurge, though. I once ordered a pair of Tory Burch sandals after a fight I had with my then-husband because I was mad at him. Tory Burch sandals are notoriously pricey. (Think $200 for a basic flip flop.) But still, I went for the Tory Burch sandals on clearance for $90. It was a pretty good deal for talking back to me in that tone. 

Bonus 5th Question: What’s the best hidden gem in the city? 

As much as I’d love to be the single woman living it up in a downtown high rise, I’m not that cool to let you in on hidden gems. But one of my favorite spots on Saturday mornings is the Overland Park Farmers’ Market. 

I’d never been to the OP Farmers’ Market until I moved in the neighborhood. My favorite stops? The mango guy (cuts ready-to-eat mangoes like a flower). The pasta guy (flavored pasta with recipes). And TacoNaco’s hot breakfast burritos. Also, if you see me zooming in on a pile of eggplants on my phone, just mind ya’ business. It’s quality Instagram content.