Four Inane Questions with film critic Bryon K. Williams

Bryon K. Williams. // Courtesy photo

Ever since he can remember, Bryon K. Williams has had an unbridled passion for watching movies.

“There’s something to be said about heading to the theater, grabbing a tub of popcorn, and becoming immersed in the next installment of your favorite action series or frightened by the next horror flick,” he says.

As he grew older, Williams says he found himself asking a lot of questions.

“What does it take to produce a film? What are the methods that actors employ in their craft? How do cinematographers use lighting to set the tone,” he says. “The more I learned, the more my love of film grew.”

Last year, Williams decided to follow his dreams and “build a community of cinephiles, just like me,” he says. On his website, you can now find him discussing films, actors, directors, and current events surrounding the movie industry. You can also join in the cinematic fun on his various social media channels. 

We recently caught up with the horror film aficionado between screenings to pepper him with our litany of lame-o questions. Good thing we also brought plenty of Twizzlers. 

The Pitch: What movie scene is so horrifically graphic that you will never watch it again? 

Bryon K. Williams: Oh, this one is easy. My favorite genre of film is horror, but I hate body horror. I was convinced to watch The Human Centipede, a film where this crazy scientist sews three people together—mouth to anus.  

The whole thing is disgusting. But there’s one scene where the woman who was stuck between the three must swallow poop from the person in the front. I have no idea why this movie is a thing or why it has so many sequels. It’s a strong “skip it” for me.

What’s your favorite D-list movie starring an A-list actor? 

Definitely Jennifer Aniston in Leprechaun. This was before Friends was a thing. It was completely dumped on by critics, but I saw it when I was in middle school and loved it.  So, it definitely holds a special place for me. Also, guys, it really isn’t that bad. 

I also like to think of Warwick Davis’s Leprechaun character as an alternate version of Willow, who was corrupted. (That actually may make a good double feature!)

Also, shout out to the B-Movie god Nicolas Cage. Drive Angry, Mandy, Willy’s Wonderland, Pay the Ghost—I could go on and on. 

You can only eat one thing for breakfast for the rest of your life. What is it? 

This is the hardest question. At first, I was going to say something really fancy and labor-intensive, but if it’s for the rest of my life, then I think it needs to be something that would be hard to get tired of.  

I’m going cereal—Cap’n Crunch, specifically. Think about it, I eat cereal four to six times a week already and don’t bat an eye. So why not just settle for the G.O.A.T. of all cereals for the next 60+ years?

What actor really needs to join social media—STAT?

What the heck is Dan Ackroyd up to these days?  Get on Twitter, sir!  

Bonus 5th Question: What toppings absolutely go on popcorn? What toppings absolutely do not?

I’m a pretty simple guy, so salt and butter are fine by me. However, sometimes at the theater, I will buy some M&M’s or Reese’s Pieces to throw in there. I’ve even done the hot sauce thing, and it was all right. 

Don’t do Raisinets, though—that is just insane. Also, don’t try to get super fancy with popcorn and put truffles, caviar, or something stupid like that. Keep common food common! You’re not elevating popcorn; you are just wasting perfectly good fish eggs.