Eat this Now (Because You Have to): Terrible Homemade Bread

Bad Bread 1

Photo by April Fleming

Making bread at home conjures romantic images of flour-dusted aprons and satisfying bready smells wafting through the house. You have the stuff—flour, water, even a little bit of much-prized yeast that’s been sitting around for probably years since the last time you tried this. You mix, you knead (or turn the task over to a mixer), rise, and stick it into the oven. You are awesome. You are excellent at endless stay-at-home survivalism. It even looks like halfway decent bread—and you did it yourself!

Then you cut into it… oh. That’s why we don’t do this. Girl, this bread is DENSE. Gummy. Thick. Gluey. Tasteless. Gross. It is plain bad, but it will (probably) get eaten, somewhat miserably. Half will go to the dog. Gratefully, there are still bakers out there doing their thing, and that’s where you (I) will go next time. Ibis Bakery, the king of KC breadmakers, is offering curbside at Black Dog Coffee and at Messenger Cafe. Farm to Market, also excellent, is available both at grocery stores and via their website, and if you’re so motivated, you can pick up James Beard-nominated Taylor Petrahn’s bread at 1900 Barker in Lawrence if you order online. Go with theirs. It is much better than yours. Yours sucks.

Categories: Food & Drink