Dogs, Drunks, Thumbs
Dear Readers:
There’s been mucho feedback from ustedes regarding recent questions about archetypical Mexican dogs and the propensity of wabs to DUI. Let’s empezar with the doggies.
Dear Mexican:
You’re right about Chihuahuas. Crazy, tough dogs. I’m a dog rescuer (geocities.com/st-roch), and we once found a Chihuahua in a box by the side of the road with his right rear leg chopped off. We got the wound stitched up but couldn’t have the leg reattached. We called the little guy Fernando. Unfortunately, the hip on the left rear leg was dislocated; without a right leg to support it, the left hip wouldn’t heal. We had an artificial leg made for his right side that attached with Velcro, but Fernando wouldn’t wear it. Consequently, the poor guy couldn’t use his left or right rear legs. This handicap didn’t bother Fernando. He learned to run and even jump up stairs on his front legs alone, sort of like an ostrich in reverse. And he was tough. He wasn’t frightened of any dog, any size, even after we had to have most of his rotten teeth removed. Fernando was adopted and lived happily for about five more years.
Pero Perrón
Dear PP:
Beautiful story, but one huge problemo: Why are you still using Geocities for your Web-site hosting? Readers: Donate some Web expertise to Pero Perrón pronto!
Following is one of many similar cartas readers sent with their theories behind the disproportionate number of Mexican drunk-driving deaths.
Dear Mexican:
You wrote that you didn’t know why Mexican-Americans have the second-highest alcohol-related traffic-fatality rate after Native Americans. The answer may be right there in front of us. Native Americans have, on average, genetically less ability to metabolize ethanol than those from the Old World. Of course, many Mexicans are indios, but of the rest, though the “Y” DNA is strongly European, the mitochondrial DNA has strong native representation.
Heep Big Huevos
Dear Gabacho:
Interesting theory, but the study I cited debunking the myth of machismo behind excessive Mexican boozing also disproved the much-held belief that Native Americans can’t take much firewater because of their genes. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism’s 2003 paper “Alcohol Use and Related Problems Among Ethnic Minorities in the United States” calls it an “unsubstantiated hypothesis” because Indians “do not appear to have a greater physiological or psychological reaction to alcohol than do members of other ethnic groups,” and “Native American groups in the United States vary greatly in their alcohol use.” As I said earlier, there is no logic in alcohol — except the superiority of tequila above all boozes, por supuesto.
Dear Mexican:
Why do Catholics of Latin descent kiss their thumbs after making the sign of the cross?
Holy Mole
Dear Gabacho:
No less an authority than The Catholic Encyclopedia has noticed this fascinating genuflection — an entry describes the custom as “prevalent in Spain and some other countries.” I’m surprised that more non-Latino Catholics don’t do it; it’s just an extenuation of the Catholic custom that calls for kissing the crucifix after reciting the Rosary. But why do Mexican Catholics and their Hispanic primos practice this tradition and not other papists? I’ve used this joke before, and I’ll use it again: Mexicans will always go the extra step — whether buying toxic votive candles, kissing thumbs or forgoing contraception — to ensure that we’re the chosen Juans.
Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at Mexican@Pitch.com.
