Dispatch from Election Night: The Returns Come in at Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club

“America’s not fired!”

“All emigration orders can be put on hold!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to hang an American flag on my house more than I do right now.”

The above statements were issued by various happy — nay, overjoyed people — not long after 10 p.m. last night at Davey’s Uptown Rambler’s Club, where I watched Barack Obama become America’s … Next … Top … PRESIDENT YAAAAAAY!!!

Four years ago, I also chose Davey’s as my returns-watching spot. I think I went there to hang out with the ladies of Beauty Slays the Beast and to watch the flannel-clad lads of Buffalo Saints lay down some hearachey alt-country. That was a bad night. My wife at the time ended up drunk and bawling on our bathroom floor. I didn’t feel much better.

Last night could not have been more different.

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