Dear diary, Gloria Squitiro isn’t as articulate as she thought she was

%{[ data-embed-type=”image” data-embed-id=”57150c3f89121ca96b95fe01″ data-embed-element=”aside” ]}%

We made it! Self-proclaimed “Chicken-Shit with an Attitude” Gloria Squitiro included The Pitch in her 35 page manuscript that’s sure to grab the attention of book publishers looking for an unstable megalomaniac (she’s tentatively titled the “book” It All Started When I was Born and C’mon Funk, Move Your Ass — Gloria Squitiro and the New Politics because it’s all about Glo-Squit).

Thanks to the intrepid reporters of KSHB Channel 41,  the whole diary/manuscript/whatever you call it came out Monday night. Birthing Pioneer Squitiro didn’t like the Pitch cover on the right. Here’s her screed written on December 31, 2008:

I wrote in our Christmas letter this year that while Funk has become somewhat of a folk hero, I am whatever the opposite of

that would be. I also wrote that I’ve been referring to myself as Yoko,

as all that is wrong in Kansas City is either my fault or it will be my

fault any day now.

Wouldn’t you know it, The Pitch‘s last cover

of the year was of me and Funk in a John and Yoko pose. Funk was

horrified. He thought it was degrading, especially with the kids in

town for Christmas. He also wondered what the purpose was. I think it

is incredibly disrespectful as Funk is a highly recognized publicly

[sic] official that appears realistically naked on the cover of a newspaper.

It’s also amazingly hypocritical. Where is the shock and outrage over

the newspaper being too racy? Especially compared to my Christmas letter

that was meant for personal eyes only?

[Pitch editor] CJ [Janovy] is like a puppy that

was taken from the tit too soon. She’s so needy and clingy and no one

has been able live up to her expectations.

I guess there can be worse things to be compared to other than Bill and Hilary and John and Yoko.

Whew. Thought she was going to be mad there for a second. We got off easy compared to say, Ruth Bates, who is suing Squitiro for racial discrimination and sexual harassment. Squitiro calls Bates a “bitch” and writes on August 8: “Fuck you Ruth Bates. You wanted to start something, well now

you started something. Watch out. My lawyer is coming to get you.”

Yeah, her lawyer’s coming to write you a big settlement check!

We also get off easier than Squitiro’s own hubby, Vulcanized Mayor Mark Funkhouser.

Categories: News, Politics