Daily Briefs: The secret to improv comedy: Always say “yes.”

By CHRIS PACKHAM

A few weeks ago, The New York Times said the stock market was “gyrating,” which was some weird, gross “backwards cowgirl” imagery, where walking mummy Alan Greenspan is the cowgirl. %{[ data-embed-type=”image” data-embed-id=”57150c4b89121ca96b961f59″ data-embed-element=”aside” ]}%And today, they’re explicitly anthropomorphizing world markets by saying that European and Asian stock markets “shuddered” while you were asleep last night. Is this helpful? Characterizing stock markets as “your cute little pal” who “has a really bad cold” and “laughs when you tickle his tummy” seems like it might run counter to what I imagine is a really thick, boring New York Times style guide, but then we are talking about a company that raises its dividends as its profits dwindle, now hovers right above “junk” status as defined by Standard & Poors, the Sanford & Son of stock ratings, and which still can’t get enough of Maureen Dowd’s stupid fucking “Democrats have vaginas! Unless they’re women” shtick, which has the annoying added advantage of pre-empting remarks about Maureen Dowd’s dick.

Anyway, that’s the answer to the question “Where we at?” It’s the Econocalyptic Rapture, and unless your name is “Rockefeller,” your smelly ass is not going to be leaving your vehicle “unmanned.” After the jump, one great way of dealing: Via the ancient Navajo art of improv comedy. Click here, or here:

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