Daily Briefs: The Republican Response

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Howdy, y’all, I’m Bobby Jindal, Governor of the great state of Louisiana. It’s just inspirin’ as the Blessed Virgin Mary’s face on a whole bag o’ tortillas seein’ America’s first black president givin’ his very first address to a joint session o’ congress with all the fixin’s an’ the trappin’s and the what-have-you’s.

But as my pappy used to say, “Bobby, don’t never warsh out the hog trough with pond water, or y’all be sorry.” And when I up and warshed out that ol’ hog trough with pond water, daddy was hotter’n a two-dollar pistol. “Ya shark-livered, hammer-headed, no-good bushwackin’ varmint!” he shouted and then he fired both pistols in the air ’til they was empty. That’s why, when President Obama proposes “warshin’ out America’s hog trough” with the “pond water” of government spending, it gets me to squawkin’ like a two-pound chicken layin’ a three-pound egg. Government hadn’t ought to get bigger just because that ol’ stock market done got itself just ill as a dang ol’ hornet. Why, I’m hotter’n two possums screwin’ inside a wool sock under a brick oven on a high hill in Amarillo on the fourth of July just thinkin’ ’bout all them tax hikes.

In conclusion, America should oughta’ just rev up the economy like that ol’ “General Lee” and shoot flaming arrows of “fiscal discipline” at the “Boss Hogg’s outhouse” of big government liberal spending. YEE-HA! Thank you and vote Jindal in 2012.