Daily Briefs: Obama wins; fuel tank essplodes
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By CHRIS PACKHAM
Auspicious Tuesday: I got distracted from Barack Obama’s amazing stem winder last night by a giant pillar of fire in the sky, which turned out to be a burning fuel storage tank in Kansas City, Kansas, ignited by the area’s spectacular lightning storm. When I was a little kid, I pushed some lefty safety scissors deep into my ear on a dare, which resulted in damage to my medial temporal lobe and hippocampus. So I have a note from my doctor that says my pathological superstitions are actually misattributions of causality as a result of brain injury, and I am therefore excused from making rational connections between events. So when I say that the lightning and the pillar of fire were signs from Jesus that Barack Obama is your new god, keep in mind that I have a condition, as legally signified by the handicapped parking tag that I whip out and brandish whenever anyone asks me to help them move heavy objects, such as refrigerators. After the jump, some interesting new swears developed by a Washington, D.C., think tank, including one so offensive that using it can result in excommunication from the Catholic Church, and which refers to both Dov Charney and a part of the female anatomy I’d never heard of before. Click here, or on the elderly mumbling gentleman:
