Daily Briefs: Missouri Rep. Cynthia Davis justifies herself

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OH HAHA, this is hilarious, the way things that are sad and make you want to smash your face against the nearest flat surface are absolutely hilarious. I should stipulate in advance that in order to make it all the way through the next sentence, I am totally going to have to stop in the middle for a wholesome and restorative glass of lemonade, so bear with me: According to the awesome Fired Up Missouri, State Rep. Cynthia Davis has sponsored some actually-kind-of-thoughtful legislation to give stay-at-home moms $600 in scholarship money each year to ease their re-entry into the workplace, but stay-at-home fathers are specifically exempted because

men do not breastfeed.

Look, I don’t want to get too technical, but if it’s a strict matter of lactation, I’ll tell you right now that all I have to do is switch from my alternating cycles of Anastrozole and deca-durabolin to a cocktail of Clenbuterol, Dianabol and Stanozolol and I can put cream in your coffee that will actually, literally, put hair on your chest, forehead and unborn fetus. As an apology for the preceding imagery, here is a delicious glass of lemonade: