Daily Briefs: It’s more of a Federal stimulus coupon, really.

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The Mid-America Regional Council stepped outside wearing its raincoat and galoshes, unfurled its money umbrella and waited for the torrent of federal stimulus money to come raining down all over it. Because when federal stimulus money comes raining down out of the sky, you’re going to get fucking soaked with money. Then, realizing the sun was still shining and birds were chirping, the council lowered its umbrella, looked to the left and right, and then a tiny sprinkle of about $27 million fell out of the sky. Damn. City officials are reportedly disappointed with the paltry amount of free money. I’m disappointed in the amount of free money. For myself. For doing nothing. Bobby Jindal is disappointed with the amount of free money, in that he doesn’t want freeloading Departments of Transportation to have any. Finally, Ron Achelpol of the Mid-America Regional Council is disappointed in the amount of free money. “It’s certainly helpful, but it is not a windfall that will address cities’ and counties’ needs,” he told The Kansas City Star.

“Twenty-seven million dollars may not be much to the Mid-America Regional Council, but I could staff an entire national chain of unlicensed day-care centers with Mexican day-laborers and still have enough cash left over to tuck in my pocket and walk around flashing my pinky rings and feeling like a big-shot,” I reportedly told myself when contacted for a response by myself. As of press-time, I am reportedly scraping the bottom of my man-purse for bus change.