Daily Briefs: Funkhouser Recall Effort Dies; Barack Obama Wins; Plan B for “Plan B”

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By CHRIS PACKHAM

Barack Obama won the Wisconsin Democratic primary last night by 646,000, compared to John McCain’s 224,000 votes on the Republican side. When this was posted, Obama’s home state of Hawaii was also leaning heavily Obamaward.

Oh, he also beat Hillary Clinton, obvs.

• I think I could really warm up to Cindy McCain — she doesn’t seem at all like an icy, withholding domineer. Anyway, she does not care for what Michelle Obama has to say.

• Missouri is proposing a bill to reclassify the “Plan B” emergency contraceptive pill as an “abortion-inducing medication,” which would protect pharmacists who refuse to dispense it. And now the Gawker media empire’s Jezebel has noticed. Great. Just great. Why do they have to cover the embarrassing stuff? Don’t they know Kansas City has more barbecue sauce-spewing fountains than any city in the world? Why can’t they write about that? And what about all the jazz? You know what the kids love? Jazz.

Still, it’s about time someone stepped up with a plan to protect Missouri pharmacists from dispensing physician-prescribed medicines. Then the Legislature could maybe turn their attention to “protecting” me from my job, too. Do you have any idea how much fucking work I have to do around here?

• More beef news: Wichita-based Lone Star Steakhouse and Saloon Inc. is closing 26 restaurants across the country, including two in Kansas City. The massive beef recall definitely can’t can’t be helping business.

This is the most glorious thing on the internet today. It’s awesome in the categories of cuteness and also excellent musicianship. I can’t explain why a beat-boxing basset hound works; it’s mysterious and probably involves math. You will need to turn on your speakers.

• Inasmuch as I’m willing to concede that the issue isn’t numbingly tedious, I guess I’m pretty much anti-recall. The voters will get the embarrassing mayoral spouses, rectal exam eyewitness reports and EOCC investigations they deserve. Honestly: Does Tony Botello really want Funkhouser to go away? I know I don’t — as a giant fan of the super-slow-motion crash test videos produced by the NHTSA, I love the current administration.

But I’ve got to say — The Kansas City Star‘s Yael T. Abouhalkah sure does like punching down at regular folks who get in way over their heads. Hey, no judgment here! I like pushing people around, too, and the smaller the better, which is more or less how I started operating a day care center out of my house.

Categories: News