Daily Briefs: Big Budget Preview

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According to the very, very fiscally healthy New York Times, Pres. Barack Obama’s new budget will TAX THE RICH to pay for the health care of the poor, like Robin Hood. This is what Robin Hoods look like:

That’s your mom and dad, you guys. They are robbing from the rich and giving to the poor. Over the last eight years, wealth has been concentrated at the tippy-top of the income scale, and then compressed into a tiny ball until it collapsed into a singularity that pulled all of your wealth into it. That is why you live like a hobo. This is you:

Looks like you need to get some of that stolen money from your mom and dad Robin Hoods to pay for a higher grade of fancy masquerade ball hobo costume. At any rate, Obama’s budget, which will be released on Thursday, will also be taxing the rich in order to pay for his new environmental policy and some other stuff, too. The rich really carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. Like Atlas, the mythological world-bearing sad sack, who carries the earth around the cosmos. I couldn’t find a picture of an Atlas costume, so let’s say that this is a picture of the rich, flaunting their fancy solid-gold finery:

It’s actually a really ambitious domestic agenda, this Obama budget, we haven’t had one of those in a while. My ambitious agenda after a long day of POSTING TEN ITEMS is to go find a vegetarian burrito and a Dos Equis. Keep your feet on the ground and keep something at the something. Seacrest out.