Daily Briefs: Between the devil and the deep blue sea

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By CHRIS PACKHAM

My girlfriend got some really well-targeted mail from the Republican National Committee yesterday about how Barack Obama and Bill Ayers used to get together for their terrorist cuddle parties, which really turned my head around on this whole election. BILL AYERS FOR PRESIDENT, you guys. All’s I’m saying is, the best way of catching my attention is not “through the mails.” I don’t even get bills in the mail anymore, because who am I, computer-generated Orville Redenbacher? I’ve been trying to think about how I’d catch the attention of the very coveted Chris Packham demographic, and since I don’t have a hard-line phone or cable television, and I use ad-blocking software on my browser, I’m largely immune to your Madison Avenue appeals for free credit reports and more absorbent feminine hygiene products. Do they still use that blue fluid for their demonstration purposes? I wouldn’t know, because when I am not listening to audio books on my Microsoft Zune, I’m probably at the gym bench-pressing 800 pounds. I guess the ceiling above the bench-pressing station at my gym would be a really good spot to post racist messages about Barack Obama, if you’re really interested in catching my attention.

After the jump, another tale of high adventure on the open sea, and dick punching. Click here, or on this novelty sailor costume:

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