Daily Briefs: Asking the tough questions nobody ever thought to ask in a million years

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Science Whatever: Apparently, scientists have known for years that blood comes squirting directly out Antarctic glaciers, but didn’t bother to tell anyone because when Antarctica’s “Aunt Flo comes to visit” or whatever, it’s a really private, sensitive time. Congratulations, Miss Polar Continent. Now you are a woman. And it’s not actually blood, you guys, it’s a salty, red, iron-rich liquid. Uh. Like blood. So, what the hell, the scientists went ahead and called the eruptions “blood falls,” just to be all terrifying and gross about it. Anyway, samples yielded proteins highly suggestive of microscopic li’l life-forms which may have survived under the ice for millions upon millions of years. This has been another edutaining edition of Science Whatever.

Journalists need your help! On April 22, WDAF Fox 4 has an interview lined up with 4-H Blue Ribbon-winning American Idol David Cook and the little farm girl who raised him from a calf. Cook is almost impossibly reclusive and never returns to visit his Kansas City home town or talks to reporters, obvs., so this is a really big deal. Normally, I call him “Dave,” for instance, when I’m addressing one of the many hundreds of magazine photos I’ve taped on the wall next to my canopy bed so that his beautiful face and his weird haircut shaped like Richard Dreyfuss’ mashed potato sculpture of Devils Tower from Close Encounters of the Third Kind is the last thing I see every single night. So I’m really looking forward to this interview.

Besides focusing all of their laser-like journalism on a single, sexxxy David-Cook-shaped point, Fox 4 is also soliciting suggestions from Fox 4 Website readers for questions they can ask him in the event that they run out of journalism and have to resort to embarrassing themselves. More. Which is a really good idea, because people can contribute questions like this one:

Now that it’s out there, I don’t see how any respectable Fox 4 journalist could possibly avoid asking it — unless they’re so “in the tank” for David Cook that they blatantly avoid asking the one single question on everybody’s minds now that somebody has posted it to the Fox 4 Website.