Daily Briefs: All the news fit to dump on your lawn

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By CHRIS PACKHAM

EXTRY, EXTRY! Apparently, all the ailing print industry needs is for Barack Obama to be elected President every day of the week, because special commemorative editions of Wednesday papers sold out across the country, including Wednesday’s Kansas City Star. By contrast, the Northeast News starts out as trash and then gets dumped in your front yard by low-paid employees who are legally required to maintain a 50-yard distance from parks, schools and children. And there’s nothing you can ever do to stop it from coming, because that would reduce their circulation. And it’s not like they have to tell their advertisers that people throw the paper directly into the trash without opening it. So, consider that a pro-tip for the Star. Y’all, I’m tired of picking that shit up off the lawn, is what I’m saying.

After the jump, some incredible stuff I read in Newsweek and a great quick-bake recipe for German chocolate cake made out of Ding Dongs. Click here or here:

Categories: News