Daily Briefs: Air-quote, The health of the mother, end-air-quote.

By CHRIS PACKHAM

%{[ data-embed-type=”image” data-embed-id=”57150c4889121ca96b96177f” data-embed-element=”aside” ]}%I wish I had a survival bunker: Euro Pacific Capital President and predictor of terrifying economic collapses Peter Schiff says homeowners whose mortgages are turned over to the government in the Big Bailout of Ought-Eight should just stay in their houses and stop making payments. I think he’s serious! His reasoning is that after a few years, the government will be extremely motivated to renegotiate your mortgage at very favorable terms.

Of course, like the joke-punchline structure of every short story by dead pulp horror author H.P. Lovecraft, the article ends with a ghastly surprise climax about the end of civilization as we know it — you only have so much time to spend all your defaulted mortgage money on the M&Ms® Heavenly Handfuls collection of frighteningly realistic baby figurines before hyperinflation causes the collapse of the United States as a political entity. LOOK UPON THEIR M&Ms BRANDED ONESIES AND TREMBLE! In the very near future, Ashton-Drake Galleries porcelain bisque figurines will be the only exchange medium supporting the subsistence economy that puts dried turnips on your table.

After the jump, the most astonishing thing about last night’s presidential debate and some stuff about dead asshole Ayn Rand. Click here or on the M&Ms® Heavenly Handfuls collection: