Critical Fatwa

All hail Jurassic 5! They were a breath of fresh air, bringing pleasure and fun back to the type of hip-hop listened to by indie-rock fans. But they did not come alone — and the group that came with them, Black Eyed Peas, has turned from a fun bit of whimsy into the foulest sort of plastic band. We applaud those who make money with their art, but the Black Eyed Peas are one of the few bands to deserve the term “sellout.” They added talentless strumpet Fergie to their band in a hope that the addition of well-displayed mammaries would boost their profile. It worked. (One day we will fatwa you all.) They created a string of horrid “tunes” culminating in “My Humps,” a song about Fergie’s breasts and buttocks that is about as sexy as an enema from Grandma.

Fatwa! Some day your half-wit novelty tunes will fade from the public’s mind, and you will be treated as the used-car salesman of the soul that you truly are. “I used to be somebody,” you will weep into your pillow at night, but that will be a lie. It is written.