Crank This

Hey, you, color-coordinated cyclist assholes on Broadway by the Ambassador Hotel. If you want the same rights as every other vehicle on the road, then that means you have to obey the traffic laws of the road. I couldn’t give a shit if your resting heart rate has fallen under your target range and that your training for some inconsequential Midwest road race might be threatened. I saw you blow that stoplight. So did everyone else who thought you were about to be T-boned. Follow the rules of the road. That means slower vehicles stay to the right side of the lane. That means vehicles stop at stoplights. That means you, buddy.

Send anonymous confessions, congratulations or accusations to heyyou@pitch.com.