Cooking with Daily Briefs

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By CHRIS PACKHAM

Assume the position, internet: How long does The Kansas City Star think it can get away with publishing “Kansas City-area Business Briefs,” a blatant, clumsily-titled Daily Briefs rip-off compiled by Mark Davis and David Hayes? Did they think I wouldn’t notice? The fact that they refrain from the use of colorful filth-language and substitute dry AP-style declarative sentences for a snotty attitude can’t hide the DNA of their daily roundup of news capsules. According to experts who have listened to, and then quoted verbatim, the message I left on Star Reader Representative Derek Donovan’s voice mail, I’m the worst nightmare of every professional business writer in the country: A day-laborer with an MBA, a chip on his shoulder and two minutes to deadline. I hope you aced “Large Cash Settlement” studies at lawsuit college, because I am not some “idea fetus” you can harvest for “idea stem cells,” you guys. And if you think I can’t come up with more metaphors involving fetuses, you’ve got a whole ‘nother analogy coming right after the jump. Click here or here: